Miscarriage and Infant Loss Day

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Dear Gabe,

Today is Miscarriage and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, the day that we remember all of the babies that we didn't get to bring home.  I can't help think about how close we came to not bringing you home.  You shouldn't be here, my little man.  When we found out that I had an incompetent cervix and that you were literally falling out of me, you shouldn't have survived that.  The sac should have popped and that would have been the end.  Then you shouldn't have survived the cerclage surgery.  The doctor told us that he'd never pushed a sac back in and he didn't know if it was even done.  Dad and I went to the hospital that day knowing that we were probably going to have to say goodbye that day because you were too little.  But you held on.  And then when the placenta abrupted and I had you at 23 weeks, you shouldn't have held on then either.  You were so small.  But you did.  You're a little fighter.  You were determined to live.  Then the doctor said that you'd be in the hospital for at least 4 months and you got out at 3.  You have defied every expectation that the doctors have ever given us.  And I'm so glad.  I can't imagine my life without you here in it.

Keep fighting little guy.  God's got big plans for you.

Mom

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