15

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Bella turned 15 this weekend.

Her birthday is always a pretty emotional time over here. For her 6th birthday, Pat, Jacqui and I all went out for pizza to celebrate. It was the only time the three of us ever hung out together. Jacqui died 6 months later. 

For Bella’s 7th birthday, I made cupcakes for her class and I remember being so emotional about it because your mom should make cupcakes for your class, not your dads girlfriend. Jacqui should have been there, but she wasn’t.

On Bella’s 10th birthday, I flew home from the nicu to be here. It was the only time I left Gabe in the 91 days he was there.

On her 11th birthday, we bought her a bike and she was happy. That may not seem like much, but there’s been very little happy in Bella’s life for the last few years. But there, for a brief moment, she was.

For 14 and 15, she hasn’t been home. Someone else has been in charge of making her a cake and inviting her friends over for a party. There are a lot of reasons that she’s not home right now, but there are also a whole lot of emotions associated with that. And missing her birthday is really hard.

Happy Birthday Bella. I have no idea how you’re 15 already...




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